No, beloved sister, you will not have to pay for the rest of your life. What God wants is repentance, and you have already done that. Scripture
says that godly sorrow leads to repentance (2 Cor. 7:10), but there is a worldly sorrow, fed by our own flesh or by demonic forces in temptation, that leads to death. And that’s where you’ve been living, hasn’t it? Camped out in a living death?
I would love to lead you in a prayer to receive God’s forgiveness and cleansing. May I also suggest that you do something physical to make it more real: lift up your arms, palms up, like a small child ready to picked up by her daddy: Dear Father, I want to turn my cup right-side up and receive all the forgiveness and cleansing You have for me. I make a choice today to open my heart to You and let You love me, let You forgive me, let You cleanse me from all unrighteousness. Thank You for exchanging my sin for Jesus’ righteousness. Thank You that Your word is true, that because I have confessed my sins, You are faithful and just to forgive me of my sins and cleanse me of all unrighteousness. I receive it in Jesus’ name.
From here on out, every time the old feelings of condemnation and guilt pop up (and they will, because they have become a habit), go back to the Father and thank Him again for forgiving you and cleansing you, and tell Him, “I do not accept those false feelings of condemnation and guilt, but I do receive Your grace, and thank You for loving me, Abba!” It may take awhile for your feelings to catch up with the truth of your decision to receive Gods grace, but thats OK. They will. Feelings follow beliefs and actions like a caboose follows the engine of a train.
